It took me about 2 weeks to decide whether to write this entry or not.. but finally.. i decide to write it coz this is my blog.. i can write whatever I want.. what I feel right?!!
I've let go one of the thing that I would like to do the most... I've lot of passion in this thing.. I always wanted to do it all this while. I was really interested & excited to do it/join it... until one person has said something, which suddenly rub away all the dreams that I have, just because i wear tudung. It's just not fair!!
I just know about it while I was waiting to join the bodyjam class. When I heard that from my friend, it's like my world become dark, no light at all. I force myself to smile to my friend, but actually I wanted to cry at that time. I hold myself from crying during the whole class (but funny la, coz I still can dance with that kind of feeling...)
After the class, I ran to the toilet & cried. Just cannot believe that all those words came from the instructor that I respect the most!! I just cannot stop crying until I reach home also still crying. Want to sleep also cannot, coz still crying. I feel so down & demotivated. Friends ask me what had happen coz I'm like different person for about a week. I just say, nothing. Just no mood.
I faced a really hard time to recover myself from that situation coz I really want it!! I really have passion on it! Can't you see that?!!
But everyday I try to tell myself that there's still a lot of things that I can do. Just go on with my life. I still have my work which I can concetrate to.
But, I just cannot forget about what had happen. Everytime I go to bodyjam class, the 'fun feeling' is not the same anymore. Last Wednesday, one of the instructor ask me why didn't I go for the audition. Then after the class I tell her why. She ask me to go to the training, no matter what people said coz I have passion in it. Well, that's what she said. But she don't know what I feel for the past 2 weeks. I said to her, nevermind la... maybe 'takde rezeki'.. maybe next time. & I thanked her coz asking me to go for the audition & training. She's the one who motivates me, and also one other instructor.
Last Thursday, there's a missed call and an sms, asking me to call that particular no. back. It's from the instructor who last time had my respect, but now no more. I just hate him coz all the words that he said. Suddenly at that time, I remembered what happen last 2 weeks... & it makes me wanna cry again... huh.. cry cry cry... I've had enough of this!! But I did not cry coz I'm at the office at that time. I did not call him or sms him. For what??!! Don't know what he want to say, & I don't want to know. I have my pride & I love the way I am, what I wear & how I look. You have no right to tell me what to do!! & even though you have taken away one of my biggest dream, doesn't mean you have ruin my life. There's a lot more for me to do!!!!!!!!
Chaiyo Chaiyo!!! Be strong!!
