I moved my blog to zarrien08.blogspot.com
saje je suka-suka.. nak tukar angin pulak hehe..
so see you guys there!!

Like this song.. the lyrics hmm.. kind of relates to me in certain ways..
but not towards a person... but towards one of my dreams which I will never achieved.. maybe
I've let go of it which can be explained by the song.
So, enjoy ya!!

Better In Time by Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going
Coming
Thought I heard a knock(Whose there, Noone?)
Thinking that (I deserve it)
Now I have realised
That I really didn't knooOooOw

If you didn't notice
You mean everything (quickly I'm learning)
To love again (all I know is)
I'm be oooOook

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's going to hurt when it heals too
Oh yeaah (It'll All get better in time)
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too
Oooh(It'll all get better in time)

I could of turned on the TV
Without something that would remind me
Was it all that easy?
To just put us out your feeling

If i'm dreamin
Don't want to let it (hurt my feelings)
But that's the past (i believe it)
And I know that, time will heal it

If you didn't notice
Well you mean everything (quickly i'm learning)
Oooh turn up again (All I know is)
I'm be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
Oooh yeah(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too oooooh(It'll all get better in time)

Since there's no more you and me (No more you and me)
This time I let you go so I can be free
And Live my life how it should be(No No No No No No)
No matter how hard it is
I will be fine without you
Yes I Will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
Oooh(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile cos I deserve too yes I do(It'll all get better in time)

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too yeaaaah Ooooh oooooh (It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
Going to smile cos I deserve too Ooooooh (It'll all get better....)

Now, gotta be active at gym again as I've put on weight heheh..
So, active again joining jam class at gym... so happy can dance again
Besides at gym, I have my own class at my company. They ask me to organize a dance class after working hours as one of the health activity.. so why not.. i've started teaching this class last month... so far so good.. I choreograph the dance myself which explain why sometimes I sleep at 2~3am... hehehe... but it's fun actually as I'm free to create my own dance movement besides joining other dance class at gym.. the class is every tuesday at 5.30pm - 7.00 pm... fun fun fun!!!

Yesterday after joining the jam class at gym, go minum at kopitiam with my gym mate. Then after sometimes the jam instructor, shirlyn & one of the member join us. I like this instructor, coz she's friendly she keep asking me why didn't I join the jam instructor training.. well... I don't want to remember about it.. so I just smile & change the topic heheh... so we talk about my trip to Japan

After that, join attack class. Missed my attack friends. Although tak larat, but I still do all the attack movement & I feel good after that
After attack, went home to take shower. Then, go to Cheras to one of my university friend house. So, can talk with friends, after quite sometimes didn't get a chance to see each other. So happy to see all of them, although not many coming. Better than nothing right??

So, this month, I'll be joining lots of jam activity hehehe... this Thursday will join the Bodyjam launch at Y Fitness. Then, 21st June will join the Miracle '08 at The Curve (I'll be joining the jam session only hehehhe...) Then on 27th & 28th June will join the jam & attack new launch at Truefitness Pavilion & Taipan hehehhe... Best kan?!! I really looking forward for this latest jam release as I heard it's really nice & high cardio... have hip hop some more which is my favorite it's all about the attitude hahaha... chest pump... shake it there & shake it here... pose... & a lot more which I like!!! hehehhe...

Tonight, had dinner with my best friend, Muni. She will get married this August, so just now she did some shopping for the wedding party. After work, I joined her for some shopping & we had our dinner at the same shopping mall. During our dinner, we plan to go to our best friend house, ani as she just got married last week. I'm so happy & can't wait this Saturday to come as I did not go to her wedding due to the training in Japan.

Yesterday, went to bodyjam class at gym, after about a month busy at office. All I can say is, yesterday bodyjam was very good & enjoy!! It was the first time I try this new instructor jam class. His name is Jeremy. He's damn cool & fun & good! I really had a good time joining his class. It's like I found back my dance energy after losing it for about a month When friends saw me at gym, they were like... "Where have you been?".. "Why so long never see you at gym?"... "Eh.. what happen to you?".. "Are you ok?"... same question all the way, & I keep answering it.. so bosan.. but nevermind. At least they 'ambil berat' pasal I kan...

Work... as usual, busy. Lots of new project coming in, which is good for our business. Stress & tired, but ok la... coz still young & at the same time had fun coz we will make jokes when the situation at office become so tense heheheh... Those who know me, you know what I mean heheheh...
This morning, my big boss said that I'm getting bigger. He said that my face already 'tembam'.. huwaaa... now have to find ways to lose weight hehehe... Have to find time to go to the gym

I'm back!!
It takes me quite a while to blog again
I just came back from my Japan trip.. to be more accurate, I went to Soja (a small city in Okayama which is located in Osaka) for a technical training. I went there on 24th May 2008 back to Malaysia on 31st May 2008, which is about a week there. The training schedule was very tight, but I manage to do some shopping heheheh... as I got many friends there to take me for shopping.

The training was so exciting & enjoyable, as the people there are willing to teach me about what I want to learn, where of course a week is not enough for me to learn all. They ask me to stay longer, but I cannot do that as my flight ticket already fixed. I said maybe next time I will go there again to continue learning hehehe...

I went there with a friend of mine. We never been to Japan before, which makes everybody in my company and also the company in Soja very worried that we will get lost. But we manage to reach Soja by train, as me & my friend already did a research on how to get there from Kansai Airport. The journey bu train was so good, as I got the opportunity to take a bullet train.. It was so fast!!

About food there, well, I have no problem about it as I can eat anything, but I've already inform them that I cannot eat chicken, any meat except seafood, anything which have alcohol in it & pork, of course. They ask me to try sushi, sashimi, and all Japanese food. You know what I like the most, the sashimi. Raw salmon fish with soy sauce & wasabe. Hmm.. delicous.. but my friend cannot eat much coz he said he will feel dizzy if eat a lot of japanese food heheheh... They bring me to different interesting restaurant each day for dinner, which I like!!

I do hope that I'll get a chance to go there again... If not for training, maybe for a vacation with friends. I miss everybody there as they are so nice to me. If they come to Malaysia next time, for sure I will take good care of them.

SAYONARA OSAKA...

Hmm.. I've got my new car already right before my trip to Japan heheh.. During my stay in Japan, I gave the car to my dad for him to use my old car, I gave it to my brother as he want it. I really like my new car... I bought new 'blink blink' sport rim the 8th day after receive it heheheh... I like it!! You know what?! During my stay in Japan, it's not the car that I miss, but it's the sport rim hahahah... Everybody at my office also like it After this, want to add spoiler to it, do tinted for security... and do some more make up to make it looks more sporty hehehhe... I'll show you the photo of my new car once the 'make up thing' completed ok!! I Promise!!

It took me about 2 weeks to decide whether to write this entry or not.. but finally.. i decide to write it coz this is my blog.. i can write whatever I want.. what I feel right?!!

I've let go one of the thing that I would like to do the most... I've lot of passion in this thing.. I always wanted to do it all this while. I was really interested & excited to do it/join it... until one person has said something, which suddenly rub away all the dreams that I have, just because i wear tudung. It's just not fair!!
I just know about it while I was waiting to join the bodyjam class. When I heard that from my friend, it's like my world become dark, no light at all. I force myself to smile to my friend, but actually I wanted to cry at that time. I hold myself from crying during the whole class (but funny la, coz I still can dance with that kind of feeling...)
After the class, I ran to the toilet & cried. Just cannot believe that all those words came from the instructor that I respect the most!! I just cannot stop crying until I reach home also still crying. Want to sleep also cannot, coz still crying. I feel so down & demotivated. Friends ask me what had happen coz I'm like different person for about a week. I just say, nothing. Just no mood.
I faced a really hard time to recover myself from that situation coz I really want it!! I really have passion on it! Can't you see that?!!
But everyday I try to tell myself that there's still a lot of things that I can do. Just go on with my life. I still have my work which I can concetrate to.

But, I just cannot forget about what had happen. Everytime I go to bodyjam class, the 'fun feeling' is not the same anymore. Last Wednesday, one of the instructor ask me why didn't I go for the audition. Then after the class I tell her why. She ask me to go to the training, no matter what people said coz I have passion in it. Well, that's what she said. But she don't know what I feel for the past 2 weeks. I said to her, nevermind la... maybe 'takde rezeki'.. maybe next time. & I thanked her coz asking me to go for the audition & training. She's the one who motivates me, and also one other instructor.

Last Thursday, there's a missed call and an sms, asking me to call that particular no. back. It's from the instructor who last time had my respect, but now no more. I just hate him coz all the words that he said. Suddenly at that time, I remembered what happen last 2 weeks... & it makes me wanna cry again... huh.. cry cry cry... I've had enough of this!! But I did not cry coz I'm at the office at that time. I did not call him or sms him. For what??!! Don't know what he want to say, & I don't want to know. I have my pride & I love the way I am, what I wear & how I look. You have no right to tell me what to do!! & even though you have taken away one of my biggest dream, doesn't mean you have ruin my life. There's a lot more for me to do!!!!!!!!

Chaiyo Chaiyo!!! Be strong!!

This week my schedule was full... everyday after work, had a jalan-jalan with one of my company engineer and also 2 other Japanese engineers (they came from Sankei to support our production process improvement). I have to join the program (discussion with them) as I'll be joining them in Japan this coming end of May until June for further training on Product Development & Process Improvement Activity. Can't wait for it!! hehehe...
So, this week had spent the whole day & night with them... go everywhere.. makan-makan, buy souvenirs & jalan-jalan. They are nice and very polite.. wish Malaysians are polite like them..

I'm quite close with Nishikiori-san... so we had a long discussion about work and also a lot of talking about each other's life. They are not 'kedekut' in sharing with us the knowledge & experience that they had. In other words, I really had a good time this week. Yesterday, sent them to KLIA as they came here for 1 week only. During the 'goodbye session' they ask me to learn Japanese before go to Japan.. so I said, I'll try to learn as much as I can... but it's difficult coz I only have about a month to learn hehehe...

So now, I'll be busy with my work, with the action plan scheduled for the improvement activity and also getting materials ready for the training this coming end of May. Hope I can get them all ready in time
- photos of my fun week with them in my album -

8 April ’08, 12 midnight…
Cannot sleep… although mata pedih sangat tapi still cannot sleep.
A lot happen today. I cried a lot. From morning till evening. I cried at the toilet, at the surau after pray & so on.
Mata bengkak. Felt so down today. Wish my parents are with me now. Usually, when this kind of thing happen to me, I’ll not tell others especially my parents coz if I tell them, they will be worried. Especially my dad. Suka sangat risau pasal I. So, in order not to make them risau, I just keep what happen to myself. Cry is the best way to let it go. Sometimes, I want to tell someone about what had happen to me… but… hmm.. I feel that maybe nobody will be interested to listen. Can’t believe that I’m crying now. I’m so sad… so sad.. so sad… Mama… Ayah… can you hear me?... can you feel what I’m feeling now?.. I just feel so alone now… so sad… so down… just wish that I can hug my mum & dad… wish they can comfort me… but no…. it won’t happen.
All I can say to myself now… just be strong. It’s life.. got ups & down. Stop crying!! Everything will be alright tomorrow. It’s not the end of the world. Don’t let this small thing ruin your life. You can do it!! Just be strong!!
Huh… I just can’t stop crying now. Why this happen to me???? Did I do something wrong???

So, tomorrow, people will see me laughing without knowing what had happen to me today….

Huh... at office now with my gym attire..
wanted to go for bodyjam class at 6.45pm but suddenly when I check the schedule in internet, the class is replaced by other class. Huh... I was so disapointed!! ya la.. dah tukar baju suddenly tak jadi pulak!! I should have check the schedule earlier... huh...dush!! If I know earlier, I can plan to do my work instead of going to the gym... hishh... geramnyer!!!

1.30am:
It’s not that I cannot sleep… just purposely don’t want to sleep coz have to prepare something for tomorrow. Had hazelnut coffee & my favorite kaya & butter toast (tapau) after jam & attack class at gym just now hehehe.. coz I need the coffee to make me awake so that I can finish my work. Just finish it just now & feel like I want to write something for my blog.

Remember I did say something big is coming on March.. heheh… actually it’s about my new home. I’ve bought my own home. Yeah!! A single storey terrace house. So, after this no need to rent anymore. The plan is that I’ll move to my new house on March, but coz of some reason I have to postpone it to next month. So got more time to survey the furniture & other things that need to be put in my new home. Some of my gym friends recommend me some of nice furniture shop for me to take a look. Well, all are nice. Macam nak beli semua aje. But cannot la.. have to follow budget la heheheh…
Last 2 weeks me & few friends went to Ikea to have a look & find some idea how to decorate my home. Well, not sure which idea to choose coz all are nice. 
Currently, I’m renting a house which is located nearby my working place. 10 minutes can reach office already. But it’s quite far from gym coz my office is in between gym & home. My new home… is between gym & office. Strategic right?! About 10 minutes to office & about 10 minutes to gym hehehe… yes!!.. I like!!

Change car?... hmmm… in progress I think. Don’t want to tell which car that I choose, but I think most of my close friends can guess already heheheh.. hope that the car is suitable for me so that I can go back to my hometown comfortably.

Coz of these 2 big things, I’ve cancelled my vacation to Korea which is planned this June. & guess what?! I’ll be going to Japan!! It’s not a vacation la!!. I have to go there for training for about 2 weeks. Just been informed by my big boss last week. Tentatively, I’ve to go there this June. My friends still will go to Korea, so I’ve ask them to bring back nice souvenirs for me & take nice-nice photo. I even ask them to say hello to my favorite Korean actor Kwon Sang Woo & Choi Ji Woo. Hahahaa… Love seeing them act together in ‘Stairway to Heaven’ heheheh…

I would like to go to New Zealand la… really teringin sangat!! But don’t know bila dapat pergi. One of my gym friends want to go also heheeh… but at the same time, I want to do ‘umrah’ also!! Destination to do that… mekah & madinah of course!! Need to find peace there and to take a rest a little bit. Need to find myself and to ask forgiveness from God. I’ve so many things to ask from Him.. guidance, strength & to throw away all the hatred & negative things in me. Need to spend some peaceful time in order to find the real me. Yeah.. the real me… hope I can find it there. Hope you all can pray so that I can go to these 2 places heheheh… just joking. No need to pray for me. Pray for your own good ok!!